Making the Most of it, Monday...
I didn’t plan to have that long of a silence here. But damn, was it needed. It has been, an interesting couple of months for me... A lot has happened, and one of the weirdest experiences of my life happened during this period of time.
I was driving down the main drag through the city here, by the Home depot when I got cut off and had to slam on my breaks. I didn’t really have time to think about what I was doing... I just did it. I cranked the wheel right and went spinning across, like four lanes of traffic. I hit nothing.... But I came face to face, mere inches away from pancaking my truck into the front of an 18 wheelers grill.
There was such a small space between us... You could maybe get a finger or two in there... I was lucky, beyond belief... Not only that I wasn’t obliterated by that truck, but that nothing else ran into me as I spun out across multiple lanes of traffic, I was untouched, as was my truck, it was kind of freaking crazy...
And since then, I’ve been... Just kind of lost in thought... I’m not going to lie, I was quite shaken up immediately after this happened, but shaken up, just sounds wrong.. It’s almost like I was invigorated to do something different, like it was a wake up call or something...
It’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced something like that... It only took a few seconds for me too spin out across those lanes of traffic, but in that moment... It felt like an eternity, like everything was in slow mo, and I could just... I don’t know... It is by far, one of the most..... Interesting, experiences I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t want to have it happen again, but I’m... Oddly glad it did happen.
Since then, I have been trying to do things a little differently. These past few years especially... My life has been in chaos. I don’t know what to say, aside from that...
Just, a lot has been going, wrong. The injuries I’ve got from working are adding up, and have taken a significant toll on my physical health, as well as my mental fortitude... It’s hard to be ambitious, or feel driven when you’re in constant pain... But lately, I’ve really been trying to gain back control of my life, and my mind.
I’ve taken up my workout routine again, and been going at vigorously. I got a swim pass and have been going swimming, and to the gym. I’ve been trying to get out more, even though I still have a pretty significant dislike of most people generally, that’s also a mindset I’m working on changing, focus on the positive shit, and less on what bugs you... But it’s really fucking tough..
I’m also done listening to all the naysayers in my life, and all those people with “helpful” fucking advice... I’m done with that shit. I’ve censored myself here for the better part of two years, because people said that looks more “professional” and like a moron.. I listened. And slowly but surely, my will to write here, my will to look for topics and make new and interesting pictures to post and to sell... It faded. It took longer than I thought, but it happened. And it made me feel like shit. No more.
The time people have liked me the most, the times I have liked myself the most is when I do what I want, and what I believe in, and I don’t listen to others... I never did for anything else, and I’m not sure why I let that bullshit get into my head here... This is my business, this is what I want to be most passionate about in my life, and in the end... I am going to succeed at this, writing, drawing, being creative... Because it is what I fucking love to do... But somewhere along the way, I got lost... I let other people convince me that being myself was a bad thing, and that I need to act a certain way to get ahead... I have rarely felt more dead inside than I did this year, and it was because I let others twist, and turn me... I let it happen. No more.
Most people make New Years resolutions, but I wanted to make sure this post happened in 2018. Cause it’s not a “possibility” that I’m going to be different this coming year, I have already been actively trying to change for a few months now... It’s funny, how almost getting squished can make you look at things, just a little but differently. But make everything, so fucking clear.
I hope to be able to bring this clarity into other aspects of my life, and get my life in order finally, and step out of this chaos once and for all.
This year, after 24 years of trying to make things work with my father, after he divorced my mother, I finally had enough. I told him “Two texts a year didn’t constitute fatherhood...” And that I “Didn’t want him to contact me anymore, I wanted someone to raise me, and show me what it was to be man, and I have no idea why I thought that would be you”.
I’ve been looking for answers in all the wrong places, for so long now.... I was looking for advice on how to be man, from one that had a child out of wedlock, cheated on, and then divorced his wife... I mean, how could I ever expect him to teach me what it is to be a man... If he never even was one himself?...
Why have I been taking business advice from people who have never ran, or wanted to run businesses and simply, with every idea thrown out there they say, “Oh, that’s not possible, you’ll never make that work!”
I’m sick of listening to those people, sick of it.
They complain about being fat, but refuse to change their diet, or exercise... I was once 245 pounds, I’m now 192... And working on getting that six pack. Well, at least getting rid of most of this body fat! And that didn’t happen by just sitting there and hoping it would happen, no. I had to make myself uncomfortable, I have to make sure I eat properly, and work out regularly. Otherwise, 5 pounds comes back, FAST!
But most people don’t want to do what it takes to make that happen, and I don’t want to be most people.
I used to put my drive into video games... I had a tremendous passion for getting better, and being one of the best in any game I played, but this last year... I couldn’t even tell you how little of a fuck I give about any of this anymore...
It’s like, there’s been some sort of seismic change in my mindset this year, even before the face to face with an 18 wheeler, and I feel like... After this next year, I won’t recognize myself, or my life....
I am going to make 2019 be the most productive year for me in recent memory, cause I’ve been treading water for to long... I’ve been staying in one place, for too long.. I’ve been neglecting changes that need to made in my daily routines for TOO long, and I’ve had it.
I had it quite a while ago... Which is why I really started to get my shit together. Which is why I want to continue to make changes and better myself all through this new year, and make the changes, and do the things I know that need to be done in order to make real change in my life.
It’s 2019, tomorrow.... Who’s ready to move forward and stop procrastinating? You got to make a conscious effort to change, you got to be willing to do things that are going to make you uncomfortable! Are you ready for change, are you fucking with me!? 2019, here I fucking come, you bitch!
Here are a few pieces of artwork that I’ve been working on, or have finished over the past few months. I was never idle, I just needed to get my thoughts together, I had to decide what direction I was going to go... And I’m really glad I took that time. Enjoy this shit!
2019 is going to be fucking amazing! :)
Happy New Year Everybody, Hope you’re as pumped as I am about getting shit done in this new year! I’ve already started, and I’m looking forward to continuing and making immense progress.
Sincerely, Bret Frick.