It’s hard to believe that it has already been two weeks since my last post. But, I have to remember. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. And I definitely fell into a pattern of insanity the last few years. No more.
Since my last post, I’ve done and thought about a lot. As far as posting here goes though, it’s still something that’s going to be sporadic. While I get some shit together.
I’ve been drawing a little, but thinking and writing a LOT. I, for years have wanted to write a book about my experience as a child of divorce, and how much damage that did to me growing up. How I did what I did to get back at my father, but in the end only ended up hurting myself. Why I made so many bad decisions and why I blamed others. All the while not realizing that I had the power to change my circumstance and situation if I simply took responsibility of my life. I was just too angry, filled with hate. And I don’t want to be that person anymore...
If I can prevent even one “man” from doing what my father did to me and my mother. That will be a win. Cause, to this day. My father doesn’t think cheating, lying, and in general, being an abusive piece of shit. Was detrimental to either me or my mother. He’s said as much to me... And that couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t really care if he knows it anymore. I want other, potential, future fathers to realize that you can do things that make your son hate you. You can do things that make him want to see you dead.
And I don’t want another family to go through what we went through... If I can prevent that, and make even one “man” realize that taking the easy way out, is never the, easy way. Then I will have helped a family, stay whole. Hopefully.
Even help that man realize he isn’t perfect, life isn’t perfect and if there’s something wrong in his life than HE needs to address the problem, and fix it. Not run from it, and find something easier. Once you have children, once you’re married your life becomes entwined with those other people who you’ve chosen to attach yourself to. At least, it should.
Apparently many men don’t realize this, and run. Like cowards. And if they’re anything like my father they just EXPECT everything to be okay and work itself out once they leave. It’s what’s best for THEM after all.
I’m writing this book because as much as I hate to admit it, not having my father in my life now or during my upbringing. It fucking hurt. Still, 24 years after their divorce... The mental scars he gave me because he felt slighted by my mother. They’re still there, along with some physical ones.
I don’t know what else to do anymore... Besides share my story, and hope I can prevent one young man from making the same mistake my father did.
I want to be more active here. It’s just, for now. This book, my art, my overall physical health, going to the gym. These are the things I need to focus on. Not blog posts for here.
But, I haven’t been idle. So enjoy these few pictures. And I’ll see you soon. Like my concept art for my book cover? ;P
Happy Thursday everyone, Catch yeah soon.
Sincerely, Bret Frick