Thoughts for Thursday

I didn’t want to remain silent here much longer than a week, but I also never again want to fall into the same pattern I was in before... The one where I very nearly just lost all my passion, and desire to create and write. I simply refuse to allow that to happen again. So, after a lot of thought I’ve decided on a time line going forward.

There basically won’t be one. I know, really easy to nail down when I’m going to write, isn’t it?

But, the schedule I had previously, it just....It was not working. At all. Most of the time, on the days I was meant to be writing, I felt like I was just looking all day for something to write about. And... I just stressed about that, and didn’t enjoy writing, for quite some time.

And look, I know that even the career path that you chose isn’t supposed too, or going to be all sunshine and fucking rainbows all the time... But, it also shouldn’t become something you dread.

For quite sometime, at least the last year, I was basically at certain points just slapping a few colors on a piece of paper, or canvas and in about an hour or so... I’d call it quits... And go back to drawing something I never ended up sharing anyway. And then I’d share those “paintings” and I knew they weren’t complete... I knew they didn’t make me happy to look at.

I just, I felt so fucking obligated to complete something and post it... Even if I didn’t like it... Even if I didn’t feel proud of it. Even if it wasn’t bringing in any new followers, or advancing my career in any meaningful way, I just felt, obligated to complete....Something.

And looking back on it. I really wish I had just taken a break then... Maybe I wouldn’t feel this drained... But, I feel drained now, for many reasons. It’s been a bit of a rocky start to the new year.

A few things have really made this feel like a year where I’m starting with a face plant. But, hey...Onward and fucking upward!

I’ve done a few things over the last couple days... Made some phone calls, sent some e-mails, shared some of my writings on social media and other places and got some really good feed back and suggestions, so, not all bad.

And hopefully some more good news comes way over the next few days and weeks... Like I said, I’m working hard on changing my life and making progress wherever I can.

For nearly two years I sat at around 8 followers on my Facebook art page... Barely marketing myself, not going out as much as I should have been, and not following up with potential contacts as much as I should have been. But... Last summer, that all started to change.

I went on a trip to B.C. to try and find... My place, An easy place for an artist to “Make it”.... Honestly, even as I type it, that’s not what I was really looking for... I think more than anything, I was, and still am looking for a place, and people to call my family... A place to call home. And though I have yet to find that.. I did find a few people who began to follow me on Facebook, I did get a few people’s numbers and e-mail addresses, and I did get back out there... After years of, I don’t know...Stagnation.

This summer, something happened... The whole last like 8 months, just... so much has happened, and it was mostly good. And what was bad, I do believe I can make changes, make things better, and course correct in the future. And hopefully by acknowledging some of my flaws and errors, things will turn out even better this year.

Basically, this was a long way of me saying. I’ve got shit to deal with.

For the time being, I will be posting here once every two weeks. At a minimum for now, but that’s about it. I don’t know what day, or time. Just two weeks from the last post until I decide otherwise, cause that’s just what needs to be done for now.

So, Happy New Years Everyone! I hope your 2019 is off to a good start, and you haven’t had any face plants of your own. :P

I haven’t been drawing much lately, well, not serious drawings. Just doodles that I don’t really feel like sharing... So, here’s some pictures. Just a couple random shots from the little “forest” that I’m slowly turning into firewood.

Happy Thursday everyone, Enjoy the rest of your week.